Take from this whatever is appropriate for your situation. These are reasonable steps from connecting online. If you meet someone at a munch (a gathering of people involved in BDSM - on a regular basis usually once a month - and often in a public venue, a great way to meet people and learn about the life - usually - but like everything else these can be bad experiences - just a caveat) it's a bit different, but still use common sense to keep you safe. BTW - this is an excellent way to meet others and a potential Dom/sub/slave.
HINT HINT HINT - IT NEVER HURTS TO ASK FOR REFERENCES!!!! - just a thought.
If you post a profile on a BDSM on-line dating site be real, honest and yourself but use discretion and do NOT put any direct personal contact information on your profile. If you do have any STD's please be up front about that as well - to not disclose that I believe is illegal and it is certainly unethical - any perspective partner has the right to make an informed decision and that could certainly effect the decision - better to find out right away if that is a deal breaker rather than invest valuable time only to find out later that it is a relationship killer. If someone contacts you from your profile check out their profile before responding to make sure that your interests are reasonably compatible. If you see anything that stands out as a major discrepancy you are better off moving on. If you wish, you can send them a pleasant e-mail stating that while you are grateful for the interest you just don't feel that you are compatible. If the profile totally terrifies you - you are under NO obligation to respond. Chances are if you are that incompatible they are probably just writing to everyone anyhow (that or looking to put notches on their belt). A number of so called Dom's are just guys looking for easy sex and really has no interest in the life per se - I call them Dom Juanabee's from Don Juan. If you think you might be compatible chat online via e-mails for awhile and then after awhile - when YOU feel comfortable take it to the next level - an online chat then if you still feel comfortable switch to phone calls. After a number of phone calls if you still feel comfortable then you can agree to meet at a PUBLIC VENUE for coffee or lunch. BTW - if at ANY time something doesn't feel/seem right - go with your gut feeling and move on. Before you meet - and I don't care if you are a Dom or a sub/slave - arrange a safe call. Tell a friend or family member that you are meeting someone for the first time that you met online - NO you don't have to give out every little detail. Just inform them where you are going to be and approximately how long you are going to be there. If they don't hear from you by a certain time - have them call the police and let them know what is going on. Just remember to make the call. If the chemistry seems to be there My recommendation is to make another date... again at a public venue so that they don't know where you live until you are REALLY comfortable. After you become comfortable with the other person you can agree to scene with them a few times and let the relationship go from there. This life is based on trust and respect and that takes time to build. Also, remember the safe, sane and consensual aspect - there are users and abusers out there and only you can keep yourself safe. You can NEVER be 100% sure of anything but you can minimize your risk.
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