Wednesday, October 27, 2010
While some people don't believe in contracts in BDSM, I believe they are critical. Each party to the contract then knows the expectations of the relationship. In a court of law they are not worth the paper they are written on, as they would never hold up - especially between a Dom and a slave, as slavery has been outlawed for some time now. This is one place where trust and respect are critical, if you can't trust the person DO NOT agree to and/or sign the contract - that removes the safe, sane and consensual from the life in every way. They should be for a specific period of time. I believe that the first one should be for approximately one month. That way if the parties to the contract find it just won't work out it's easy to get out of. Also, anyone can fake it for a few days but a month is usually plenty of time for anything someone is trying to hide to expose itself. However, that being said - it is NOT fair to anybody to fake who you are, especially in this life. If you try to be something you are not you are hurting everyone and you will be miserable. A contract should cover clothing (or lack thereof) expectations, financial arrangements, chores, hard limits, expectations - what each party is getting out of the relationship, other potential partners - will the sub/slave be loaned out to others to scene with and if so sexually, floggings or just what, whether the Dom will have, or be looking for others to scene with and again to what extent or is the relationship going to be strictly monogamous, whether the Dom is looking for additional sub's/slave's and if so what role will they have in the household. If things go well with the first contract then another one can be drafted and tweaked prior to the termination of the first one. The second contracts, I have seen run anywhere from three months to three years - I believe a year is a reasonably good time frame, but every relationship is different. Usually the petitioner is the one who drafts the initial rough draft of the contract, laying out what they are looking for and want from the relationship - what they bring to the table and what they hope to get out of it as well as what the other person(s) will get out of the relationship. Any material breach of the contract gives the harmed party the right to terminate the contract immediately - that does not mean they have to, just that they can. Sometimes people make a mistake and go to far, but if you honestly believe that the relationship is working and that it was a mistake and feel that you can trust the person you MAY want to keep the contract intact. However, that being said that does not remove that clause from the contract or make that clause null and void... if your partner breaches that clause again - GET OUT. Also, if a Dom punishes their sub/slave for something that is NOT in the contract or refuses to tell their sub/slave what they are being punished for, I would get out... that crosses the line from punishment to abuse.